Pam Webb

a writer's journey as a reader

Archive for the tag “humor”

04 Mar 2023
10 Comments

Writer Life: The Office


Sorry, this isn’t a post about Steve Carrell and his team. This post is a rumination about desks and what is expected when sitting behind one in the pose as a working writer. I like the sound of saying “I’ll be in my office if you need me.”

I would call this an office. Yet, she doesn’t look happy.

I will say this about having an office—I don’t actually have one but I do have a room that I attempt working in. It also functions as a guest bedroom and the movie den. It’s nickname is Mom Cave.

When I am in my office, i.e. the Mom Cave, my office is actually an Ikea chair and a footstool with a side table. Conventional is not my forte.

Once upon a time I did have a desk but didn’t have an office. This desk was built by my resident MacGyver and housed my enormous Tandy computer (remember Radio Shack?) and printer and two small filing cabinets, plus the TV. Some great stories were written there, but being in the central room, not a lot of quiet was had.

The next office was again not an office but a desk. It was set up in our bedroom. A bit more privacy; however, with three children in the household, privacy was at a premium. I did learn not to let my son and his friend play games on my computer unless I wanted the frustration of corrupted memory and glitches. It was time for my own computer. Enter laptops.

Think deep purple and this is my temporary office.

A laptop meant the filing cabinets could go. Same with the desk, which was actually a door on top of the cabinets (we’ve all done that type of economy desk, right?). I still needed a place to work so why not a small loveseat? Eggplant plush moved into my bedroom. Some really great stories were written there. Plus, I could sneak into my room and watch a movie on my laptop and say I was working.

Once the kids started to empty the nest I was able to claim a bedroom. A real office was on the horizon. Children do return now and then for visits so a bed is needed. Not a real office, although close enough.

Long winters and a stimulus check turned the pseudo office into a den aka the Mom Cave. Got my smart TV, sound bar booster, a sweet recliner loveseat. Oh yeah, my Ikea chair for when I do decide to write. Lots of great stories written there.

Wait, I only watch TV after a day at the office. Honest.

This past week, with the Artic Express chugging into town, I have relocated to the living room recliner as the Mom Cave is too cold for comfort. I’m finding I am getting a lot of work done out here. Surprisingly. When typing tedium takes over I look out the window and watch the birds forage and frolic at the feeder. I stay longer and work. I might be on to something.

Oh deer, he chased the birds away.

Over time I have decided the office is a mindset, not so much a place. I still like saying I have an office though.

Posted in opinion, Reflections, writers and tagged , , ,
22 Jul 2022
6 Comments

National Hammock Day!


Included in my bio is “hammock aficionado.” Summer is not summer without setting up and reveling in the joy of my hammocks. Yes, that would be plural.

Palm trees are not included in most locations

I have two: one for the sun and one for the shade.

I’m not sure when my fascination with hammocks began. There is something so richly rewarding being suspended above the ground, being cocooned.

I’ve owned the camper’s delight (find two trees and secure it), the classic macramé weave, and currently own a deluxe double wide frame complete with umbrella (for the sun), and my portable frame (for the shade).

Summer starts once the hammocks are set up. Double deluxe takes some thought as it is so unwieldy that once it is positioned that is that. Relishing the gentle early morning sun rays is a pleasant way to start the day. The umbrella helps stave off the intensity of the afternoon sun, and there is nothing like dozing in the double deluxe in the early evening when the sun drifts behind the trees, filtering the shade so there are paths of sunlight and shade whilst I recover from my landscaping projects. Aah!

My little shade model is not as comfy, but being on a lightweight frame it can be easily moved wherever is best. From mid June to end of summer it travels all over the backyard.

It is the end of summer once I acknowledge it’s too cold to hang out in the hammock. I have been known to wrap up in a blanket to catch the last bits of the sun before acknowledging summer is done.

Isn’t this hard to resist?

Hope you enjoy Hammock Day. If you have no hammock then treat yourself to this marvelous means of enjoying the summer.

Posted in holidays, opinion, Reflections, Relaxation, Uncategorized and tagged , , , ,
10 Nov 2021
3 Comments

Word Nerd: November


Photo by Askar Abayev on Pexels.com

Thanksgiving comes around in November and getting together with friends and family can be emotional for some. Needing a few choice words to express feelings might be handy.

verklempt: overly emotional and unable to speak.

velleity: a mere wish, unaccompanied by an effort to obtain it.

stultify: to render absurdly or wholly futile or ineffectual, especially by degrading or frustrating means

thrawn: contrary; peevish; stubborn

longanimity: patient endurance of hardship, injuries, or offense; forbearance

foofaraw: a great fuss or disturbance about something very insignificant

megillah: a lengthy, detailed explanation or account

brabble: to argue stubbornly about trifles; wrangle

fustigate: to criticize harshly; castigate

gasconade: extravagant boasting; boastful talk

nescience: lack of knowledge; ignorance

frumious: very angry

snollygoster: a clever, unscrupulous person

beamish: bright, cheerful, and optimistic

Let’s hope if someone should start a megillah at the table no one will fustigate or brabble should it lead to gasconade. Instead, the gathering be one that is beamish.

UPDATE: Read about a picture book that features delightful words here: https://kathytemean.wordpress.com/2021/11/14/book-giveaway-hornswoggled-a-wacky-words-whodunit-by-josh-crute/

Posted in blogs, education, everyday expressions, fall, Family, holidays, humor, Reflections, word inventing, Words and tagged , , ,
14 Jun 2021
12 Comments

It’s Flag Day (and my birthday!)


Flag Day commemorates the adoption of the Betsy Ross flag design. It was much later in life that I realized that the flags all over town were not specifically in recognition of my birthday.

Posted in America, holidays, Reflections and tagged ,
01 Nov 2020
8 Comments

Leaf me alone, please.


A tree lover. An appreciator of their grace, shade, and mesmerizing swish when the winds converse with them; however, I am not a fan of the annual migration of downward accumulation.

This year my strategy of waiting for all the leaves to fall before raking backfired. We received an early snow and the leaves frisked about the snowfall, creating a decorative touch of color. A bit like sprinkles on vanilla frosting.

I was momentarily charmed.

Autumn leaves on snow - Stock Image - C013/9909 - Science Photo Library

But then the snow melted, the rest of the leaves fell within one week–somewhat of a follow the leader venue (is that snickering I hear?) and the momentous task of dealing with two towering aspens, a birch, a linden, and a maple tree. Certain evergreens wanting in on the game shed their dagger needles as well.

I contemplated leaving the leaves alone this year. Scientifically, don’t they mulch and return to the soil as the snow blankets them all winter? I image more time is needed than the four months of dozing under the snow would render them inert.

The yard must have started looking pathetic because I had a group of church kids stop by and offer to rake my leaves. Oh. That’s so nice. Do I look old enough where I can’t handle taking care of my yard anymore? I’m thinking they were being nice.

Okay, November is here. Snow is lurking down the pike. It’s a rousing 46 degrees and I’m going to do this.

A love letter for leaf piles - West Coast Landscape Professional
To leaf alone or not leaf alone.–always the question…

Leaf blower at the ready. Rake, snow shovel (it’s the best for leaf scooping), and wheelbarrow are standing by.

The Best Cordless Lightweight Leaf Blower [2020] | Archute
herding leaves is right up there with herding cats–they don’t always go where you want them to…

I managed to get the leaves in four or five major piles and then it’s always the dilemma of burn, mulch, tarp or ? This is the only time of the year when I am envious of city folk, who are only 7 minutes down the line, jurisdiction wise. They get to cart their leaves to the curb and have city garbage haul them away. While us county folk have to figure it out.

This year it’s the giant pile and tarp for a spring burn. It’s getting them into that giant pile.

Having been called away by a Mother errand (glasses needed tightening, and while we are out, she says, I need a pedicure and some new tops), I did not return until almost three hours later. My hopes of the leaves somehow Disney-like traipsing into “hi ho hi ho” parade and forming themselves into that desired leaf pile momentarily tickled me.

No such luck.

I will give full credit to my Hubs who managed to corral the leaves and tarp them. At least most of them.

Help is always appreciated when tending to leaves

“Thanks for doing the leaves.”

“You’re welcome.”

“What are your plans for the rest of the leaves?”

“What other leaves?”

“The ones over there.”

“Oh, I didn’t see those.”

Okay, he’s wonderfully managed to organize and tarp the leaves. Am I going to point out that there is still a significant amount of leaves left to deal with?

I ask you, readers, what would you have done?

Posted in America, fall, Reflections and tagged ,
01 Jul 2019

Why We Say: D-zone


Continuing on with the exploration of everyday words and phrases that may baffle, irritate, or even amaze us, is a selection from the “D” chapter of Dictionary of Word Origins by Jordan Almond.

Dessert

We save the last course of a meal as “dessert” which comes from the French word desservir: to clear the table. The practice was to remove the table cloth to serve the last course. Today we remove the dinner plates to make room for that sweet end to a good meal.

Desserts spelled backward is stressed. Don’t stress out about eating desserts.

Dirt Cheap

No surprise here–dirt is cheap because it’s free. That is, unless you decide to have it delivered from one of the schmancy garden places.

Dog Days of Summer

Those really hot searing days that pop up during summer? The ones where being outside is misery? The Romans blamed those toasty times on the stars–Siriusly. That would be Sirius, the Dog Star. It was thought that Sirius got a bit hotter due to its rising with the sun. Those hot dog days were called cuniculares dies.

Double-Cross

I think of Jimmy Cagney when I hear “double-cross.” Actually I think of Bugs Bunny imitating Jimmy Cagney saying “you dirty double-crossing rat.” Then again. Monty Python gets it right as well:

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/f3d22bb5-e73e-472c-ba98-4e17f1b0c418

What’s it mean? In prize fighting, if a fighter intentionally lost a fight he “crosses up” both the spectators and those who bet on him. If he wins after the cross up he affects his manager and those who bet on him to lose. The two cross ups make for the “double cross.” Why Jimmy Cagney says it is a bit perplexing, although one could argue he is a bit of a fighter.

Down a Peg

The British Navy had a custom in which the ship’s colors were raised to recognize visiting dignitaries–the higher the colors, the greater the honor. Taking the colors down a peg indicated a decrease in honor.

Dressed to the Nines

Old English is responsible for this one. Someone who was “dressed to the eyne” was dressed “to the eyes” which is basically being dressed “up to the ears” something we just don’t say, even though logically we basically are.

Dressing Down

Having dressed up (to the ears) it makes sense that taking off clothes would be “dressing down.” Not so. A butcher preparing beef for market will slice the animal’s carcass. In the same manner, a person who receives a tongue lashing full of cutting remarks is getting a “dressing down.”

This…

Not this…

Dude

One of the most obsequious words going. This word stems from dudde, the Middle English word meaning “to dress.” Later down the road, an Easterner who went West in a fancy outfit discerned an attitude by the Westerners. Basically “dude” is a smash up of “dud” and “attitude.” Somehow that works for the Simpsons.

Tune in next month for more explanations, descriptions, and epiphanies.

Posted in everyday expressions, Old English, Reflections, Words and tagged , , | Leave a comment
23 Jul 2018
5 Comments

Movie Musings: Bill


The mystery of William Shakespeare’s “lost years” are revealed in the 2015 film Bill.

Be forewarned though, this is merely a presented supposition. A hilarious one at that. Why couldn’t William of Stratford be an aspiring lute player hoping to make it big on London stages? Seems to fit right in there with the other theories of him being a teacher, lawyer, sailor, butcher, baker, candlestick maker. Well, maybe not actually a candlestick maker, more of a candlestick consumer (burning those late night candles writing, writing, writing).

But in Bill, William is not penning plays, he’s tuning up songs. And many of his plays do feature songs, so perhaps he was a frustrated musician. The lute being the forerunner to the guitar suits him as it can be soulful, playful, and even rock n roll in approach. I think he would prefer the Beatles over the Rolling Stones. However, in the movie, Bill is terrible at playing the lute. Horrible, in fact. Good thing he’s got this play he’s been working on, especially since Good Queen Bess is demanding a new one for her courtside entertainment.

This is where the story get going. Bill does have a play. Well, most of one. Other people want it as well for their own nefarious purposes. Intrigue, slapstick, punnery and foolery ensue. Think Monty Python meets Studio C on the skewed History Channel.

Family entertainment at its best and a must for Bardinators. A bonus is the various Star Wars lines that are woven into the dialogue.

[Nicely done, Cricket–you managed to squeeze in your Monthly Movie Musings and your Shakespeare-for-the-23rd post]

Posted in Movies, Reflections, Shakespeare and tagged , ,
02 Jul 2016
3 Comments

Rocking Out on Being Stoned


Nope. This is no expose on Mick Jagger. We’re looking into semantics today.
Did you know when you are picking up souvenir rocks at the beach you are actually picking up stones? Truly.

Rocks from morguefile
We may only think that “rock” and “stone” are interchangeable. They technically aren’t, yet like most of our language, we throw actuality out the window and go for ease of saying.

Stones by morguefile
Here are the distinguishing facts:

Rock: Usually large, immovable natural material made up of one or more minerals that is hard or soft in composition.

Stone: Most often a harder, smaller, moveable mineral matter. 
More clarifications:

A rock is comparatively larger.

A stone is comparatively small.

A rock is not usually moved, being it is part of the earth as in The Rock of Gibraltar. 

A stone can be picked up as in gemstones.

A rock can be hard or soft in material composition.

A stone is hard.

Now–how does that transfer into everyday expressions?

We say, “He’s solid. He’s a rock of strength. He’s immovable, and can’t be swayed.” And right about here is where the Rock of Gibraltar is bandied about.

Looking over the checklist of facts, it looks pretty good, metaphorically speaking.

Let’s move on…

“She’s got a heart of stone.” This is not a compliment. To be solid as a rock is considered a positive attribute; however, your heart should not be hard and it should be movable. Wait, stones are movable. Wouldn’t that mean that person could change her outlook?

Or doesn’t it follow that a rock solid person would have a heart of stone because the heart is a part of the body and is smaller and can be moved more easily?

Bookmark that thought. 

Think about:

A. We collect rocks along the shoreline to perhaps add them to our rock garden.

B. A diamond is a precious gemstone and set in a ring it’s touted as “quite a rock.” [right for gemstone, wrong for rock]

C. Loud electronic music  is considered “rock” and some will enhance the listening experience by being “stoned.” [not sure]

Now that you know the difference, be sure you don’t get caught between a rock and a hard place in your terms.
 

Posted in Expressions, Nature, Reflections, Uncategorized, Words and tagged , ,
31 Mar 2014
2 Comments

The Peace and Quiet Found in Chicken Soup


Yes, I do hope you look inside.  Especially if you are a mom, know a mom, have a mom, know someone who will someday become a mom–that covers just about all of it, doesn’t it?
Moms.  Busy people. The “M” in “Mom” stands for “multi-tasking.” Let’s see: answer homework questions while checking the meatloaf in the oven after asking the table to be set amid soothing a sibling squabble–this all takes place in the span of heartbeat for many moms.  Yup, been there, done that.
This is why I submitted an essay to the Chicken Soup folk when they announced they were putting together a new book about moms and multi-tasking.  Like most submissions, I forgot about it as the months rolled by.  So–it was quite a pleasant surprise to receive the news my essay “A Little Piece of Quiet” (#10 in the TOC) had been accepted and would be included in the forthcoming book.
This is not my first publishing credit–and yet this one is extra-special since most people recognize the Chicken Soup series. What I especially like is being able to walk into a Barnes and Noble and find the book on the shelf. Even though my story is one of many, I still get that “YAY!” moment seeing my book keeping company with other ready-to-purchase selections.
This is a great mom present and Mother’s Day will be here before you know it.  On the other hand, this is a great gift for showing appreciation to any mom anytime of the year.
Although my kiddos are all grown up and out of the house now, I do remember those days when my longing for peace and quiet was turned around when I realized the blessing of having a little piece of quiet.
Hope you pick up the book for the certain mom-person in your life, and I hope you find your way to reading my contribution.
Blue Skies,
Cricket Muse
Posted in America, Books, children, Family, Reading, Reflections, time management, writers, Writing and tagged , , , , ,
10 Feb 2014

Does Our Spelling Miss the Mark?


I am discovering something shocking about myself. A habit that I never thought I would succumb to. And one I am not sure I am steeled enough in resolve to remedy this habit.  Oh, my, how did it happen.  Yes, I will admit it: technology. I’ve grown sloppy in my dependence of that little red underscore telling me I’ve slipped in my spelling. I used to be an excellent speller–pride goeth and trippeth me up. But I got quite cheered up when I came across this ditty by Samuel.

A plan for the improvement of spelling in the English language

By Mark Twain

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter “c” would be dropped to be replased either by “k” or “s”, and likewise “x” would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which “c” would be retained would be the “ch” formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform “w” spelling, so that “which” and “one” would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish “y” replasing it with “i” and iear 4 might fiks the “g/j” anomali wonse and for all.
Generally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with iear 5 doing awai with useless double              konsonants, and iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeiniing voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez “c”, “y” and “x”—bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez —tu riplais “ch”, “sh”, and “th” rispektivili.
Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

And there you have it, my students will embrace this plan for sure. I think some of them are on the trial plan already. I wonder how “vacuum,””anoint,””disappearance,” and a few other pesky bugs fair under Sam’s plan?

Posted in education, Teachers, technology, Uncategorized, Words and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

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