Pam Webb

a writer's journey as a reader

Archive for the tag “cows”

Cow Appreciation Day!


For those who follow my postings, you know I appreciate cows. Today is their day. Yup, July 13 is National Cow Appreciation Day.

She enjoyed her flowers thoroughly

To celebrate the cow here are a few facts:

DID YOU KNOW?

  • There are around 200,000 glasses of milk in a cow? That’s a lifetime estimate.
  • A mature cow weighs about 1,400 lbs, and stands about 5 feet tall.
  • A calf can walk within one hour of being born.
  • A Holstein cow’s spots are unique. No two cows have the same pattern.
  • Cows don’t sweat. They need to live in cool weather.
  • By hand you can milk about six cows in an hour or you can milk sixty cows with one person and fourteen machines.
  • Cows get really thirsty during the day. They drink close to thirty gallons worth of water, which is about a bathtub’s worth.
  • Cows can eat a lot as well. On a typical day a single cow can eat nine pounds of hay and thirty-five pounds of mixed grasses and grains. They also consume over twenty pounds of mixed grains, salt, vitamins, and minerals throughout the day. No wonder they need so much water!
  • Cows are boney. There are two hundred and seven bones in one cow. Humans have about the same amount of bones. Hmmm…
Cowabungee they are amazing animals!

Bonus! Here are some cow jokes:

  • What’s green and black and white all over?

A field with cows.

  •  What did Old MacDonald say when the cow stepped on his foot?

    “Ee-ii-ee-ii-ouch.”

  • What did Old MacDonald say when the cows began to stampede?

    “Aaugh, I’m having a herd attack!”

  • What did he say after the stampede?

    “Cows should be seen and not herd.”

*  How did the farmer divide up his herd of cows? 

             He decided between the calves and the calve-nots.

*  What did the farmer say to the old cow?

“It’s time you retired. You’re pasture your prime.”

So today when you reach for that glass of milk or spoon up your yogurt or nibble a cheese slice or revel into your ice cream confectionery, salute the cow. The world would not be the same without this udderly marvelous animal.

Stressed? Try Cow Hugging


I have long appreciated cows. They have an inherent lassitude that encourages one to slow down to stop and smell, or in their case, eat the roses (do cows eat roses?)

Well, the world is discovering how therapeutic a cow can be. Cow hugging is now a thing.

Hugging a cow helps with emootional release

Having been around cows, I had not considered them as hug therapy candidates. They are rather massive. rather bony, and rather, well, they are rather a bit on the earthy side of clean. Apparently I am missing something.

Hugging one another, especially those outside of our “safe” circle is risky these days. I’ve been sent videos where it shows people hugging their pets as a means of relieving their anxiety. A hug is immensely therapeutic. And if hugging humans is not readily available then a pet often suffices.

Pet therapy is well-known, which is why there is such a surge in therapy animals. And this was prior to COVID-19.

So, hugging cows is understandable, and cuddling with a dog or cat is well-established as therapeutic, but hugging a person truly can’t be replaced, and I look forward to returning to a world where a hug isn’t life threatening.

Someday We Will not have to be socially distant although hugging cows can remain a practice. I imagine cows need hugs too.

Of Purple Cows and Ending of School Year


Monday is the last week of school. My seniors are already done with their finals and have vamoosed. There is an empty spot in my schedule, and in my teacher’s heart. I so enjoy my AP Lit classes. I hope they remember the stuff I taught them or attempted to teach them when they are sitting in their university lecture halls.

This week the sophomores take their finals. They will be tested on their knowledge of Julius Caesar, the last unit of their tenth grade English. For the most part they enjoyed learning about this important Rome leader. They still have misconceptions about him though–such as him being the inventor of s salad. They were amazed July is named after him.

Some complained about how much history goes with English literature. One influences the other, is what I tell them. They still grumble.

My one another AP class, my AP Language, affectionately known as Langsters, will be presenting their Senior Project Starters this week as their final. Most will be moving on to AP Lit, so not too much sadness, although they did make my first year of teaching AP Language quite enjoyable. Juniors are done with underclassmen drama, aren’t infected with Senioritis, and realized that with a wee bit more effort it’s possible to get great SAT scores which can open doors to desired colleges.

After June 12th I’m free to get back to “me” pursuits, such as reading books, instead of essays. I also hope to finish up a YA novel I started (about five years ago). It’s tough finding time to write as a teacher.

Surprisingly enough, I’m on the short list to teach creative writing second semester. It’s been about four years, so I’m brushing off some of my lesson plans. One them involves parody writing. Tell me what you think:

Parody Poems

“Imitation is the best form of compliment” or so they say. A Parody Poem emulates or copies a known style of poet. Special attention is paid to tone, diction, rhythm, meter—basically getting the poet’s style so that it is recognizable.

Here are some parody poems using the famous “Purple Cow” poem:

 A Purple Cow  (reading by Stuart S.)
by Gelett Burgess

I never saw a Purple Cow,
I never hope to see one;
But I can tell you, anyhow,
I’d rather see than be one.

Image result for purple cow

And here are the parodies:

Edgar Allen Poe
Parody by Susan and David Hollander

One lonely, gloomy, windswept eve
A mournful sound did I perceive.
I cast my eyes beyond the pane
And to my horror down the lane
Came a sight; I froze inside
A spectral cow with purple hide.
Emily Dickinson
Parody by Susan and David Hollander

On far off hills
And distant rills,
Sounds a distant moo.
A purple spot
I think I caught,
Yes! I see it, too!
In Bovine majesty she stands,
Her purple tail she swings,
The amethyst cow,
To my heart somehow,
Perfect joy she brings.
And yet the thought of being
Of that race of royal hue,
Though glowing like the violet sweet,
It really would not do

My contributions…

Dr Seuss
by C. Muse

Hey Sam–
Who cares about greens eggs and ham?

I like cows.
I like cows here and now.
I like cows and their moo.
Do you like cows?
You like them, too?

I like cows brown or black and white.
A purple cow?
I think not.
That can’t be right.

Shakespeare
SONNET 18

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art so lovely, as thou eats hay.

Gentle creature, thou shows its color true,
Of thy hide of which you are adorned
A rich amethyst, a most unexpected hue.
Some may give shriek and others scorn
Yet, it matters not, thou still dost moo.

So long as all can breathe and see,
So all appreciate the purple cow that is thee.

Still Crazy About Cows


If you’ve been following my blog for any length of time you will have noticed I have a thing for cows. I don’t know why, except I’ve been around them off and on for most of my life and as a result I’ve written a cow joke book, which, by the way, gets the nicest rejection letters. Mike Allegra has even pitched in and contributed a cow drawing. In my quest to come up with even more cow jokes for a sequel to the first cow joke book (thinking positive here) I came across a website that has 100 words related to cow.

My intent is to become inspired and come up with some original bovine blockbusting humor. Here is the site:

And here are a couple of udderly hopefuls:

#74: freshen–related to cow, as in coming in to her milk

Why did the cow take so long getting ready to leave the barn?

She had to freshen up first.

Okay–

How about this one then?

#45: kine–archaic plural of cow

Why are cows such a popular animal?

They are the best kine of animal on the farm.

Okay–

Maybe Cow Too will be a bit longer in the draft phase.

In the mean time, I keep sending out my udderly wonderful cow joke book to publishers and editors, as it will behoove me to get it published sooner than later as it cud drive you all crazy hearing me milk it for all its worth.

image: morguefile/jackse “All this bovine banter is making me have a cow–it’s driving me mad!”

It’s Howdy Doodle Time


I finally possess a Mike Allegra doodle. It’s a dandy doodle. I’ve been working on a cow joke book (for heifer and heifer, it seems), and figured the best way to get it published is to have it illustrated. I almost had a publisher, but part of the package was providing an illustrator. Well, that opportunity evaporated, so I am still trying to market my herd of cow jokes. Possibilities are looking better since I now have a sample doodle and a willing illustrator–now I need to find a willing publisher.

Kids love jokes and riddles. I know. I have an eight year grand kiddo who loves telling me the same knock knock banana/orange jokes (you know the one). If banana jokes are funny, cow jokes are dairy funny, it’s finding an editor or agent who thinks so as well. Now that I am equipped with my doodle I feel more confident venturing forth in my quest for publication, and feel it won’t be udder folly this next go round.

I claim the joke. Mike Allegra claims the artwork. You decide who is the more talented.

What do you call a cow who is a thief?
A Hamburglar!

Okay, maybe the doodle is better than the joke. Now that I have Mike’s doodle to accompany my submission I am feeling this book will become a published winner–it might just become outstanding in its field.

Yes, you too, can gain this confidence with your very own Allegra Doodle. I suggest you secure one sooner than later. Since I have yet to win one through his ever popular doodle contests, I have sought other avenues, and if you are unable to get your entry slip drawn, and need an Allegra doodle in your life, then I suggest you contact him.  And, yes, his talent goes beyond cows.

BONUS: there is dairy funny pun-off happening between Sarah W and I. Mike wants to know who the winner will be. It would behoove you to take a look at our witticisms–look in the comments section.

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