Pam Webb

a writer's journey as a reader

Archive for the category “humor”

Debatables: September


It’s time for Debatables. My partner, whose wit and writing has attracted over 12,000 followers, is Mike Allegra. An amazingly talented doodler, Mike also pens children’s books, and has a new series out: Prince Not So Charming.

This month our topic is almost unbearable in scope: which team would survive the Hunger Games?

I’m backing Paddington and Pooh. Mike believes in the Berenstain Bears.

Check out Mike’s blog and our debate logic here. Don’t forget to weigh in your vote and add in your comments. Our debates get pretty lively–an understatement.

So far our debates stand at one round each. I won the first round on who was the better Willy Wonka (Gene Wilder, of course). Mike took the second round with his choice of Love You Forever being the worst picture book ever.

Who will emerge triumphant in this third round?

img_0310

Katniss fondly supports the P&P team

Cast your own vote of belief in the two indomitably tough bears whose cuteness is on the cutting edge of survival skills–I’m talking Paddington Bear and Winnie-the-Pooh. Send those sponsor parachutes and votes to Mike’s site.

Go P&P!

Debatables:Worst Picture Book. Ever.


Debatables Round Two: The Worst Picture Book. Ever.

New to our blogosphere is the incredible Debatables, where my co-host and debate opponent, is the amazing Mike Allegra.
Mike Allegra is the author of Sarah Gives Thanks (Albert Whitman & Company, 2012), Everybody’s Favorite Book (Macmillan, 2018), and Scampers and the Scientific Method (Dawn, 2019). He also not-so secretly pens the Prince Not-So Charming chapter book series (Macmillan 2018-19, pen name: Roy L. Hinuss). He was the winner of the 2014 Highlights Fiction Contest and a recipient of an Individual Artist Fellowship from the New Jersey State Council for the Arts. He also juggles, plays the banjo, and is known to appreciate a well-crafted fart joke.

Over 12, 000 bloggers can’t be wrong, so if you aren’t following Mike’s blog, you are missing out. If you like to laugh, snicker, and outright guffaw, you will want to check out his blog.

Here are the Debatables ground rules:
Each Debater is allowed one brief argument (fewer than 300 words) on a previously agreed-upon topic. These brief arguments will then be followed by a briefer rebuttal (fewer than 150 words).

Today’s Topic: What is the worst picture book ever?

Disclaimer: The debate you are about to read is in absolute good fun. As children’s book writers we both understand the love and labor that goes into writing a book. Please no flames, comments of impending bodily harm, or allegations of shaming the writing community. This is a practice in word hurtling, nothing more.

Mike is suggesting:

love you forever cover

Cricket suggests:

cat hat cover

Cricket:

I like the idea of a critter who helps a sibling pair beat the rainy day boredom blues, but that inherent sensibility I possessed as a child followed me into adulthood. That uninvited cat who creates a multitude of mayhem scenarios makes me nervous. And that’s my gripe with Seuss’s cat: he is the Pied Piper of pandemonium.

First off, The Cat in the Hat breaks basic rules we teach our children: stranger danger (and that is one strange cat); running in the house; playing with breakables; let alone making a mess. This is all done under the guise of “let’s have fun!” Let’s add onto the list how the voice-of-reason pet fish is abused several times, and the cat stubbornly refuses to leave when asked more than once (quite firmly) to depart.

inside cathat

To add to the havoc the Cat releases the naughty Thing 1 and Thing 2. Are these thingsendangered exotic imports? Have they had their shots? Are they housebroken?

The reckless approach to busting boredom leaves poor Sally and her bro in a pickle as Mom approaches the house. They are not having fun. They are stressed out to the max. The only time the children smile is when they see the back of that cat. The real clincher are the ending lines:

Should we tell her about it?

Now, what SHOULD we do?

Well…

What would YOU do

If your mother asked YOU?

This is an invitation for children to be deceitful. Shocking, I know.  Such a playful question is really introducing children to be duplicitous. Just say “No” to cats in hats barging their way into households. Listen to the wisdom of goldfish.

Vote with me that The Cat in the Hat is the worst picture book for children. Ever.

Mike:

The mom in Seuss’s magnum opus is negligent, but at least she doesn’t remind me of The Story of Oedipus.

Love you Forever is about a mother’s lifelong devotion to her son. She sings of this love to her sleeping child when he is a baby and a young child—which is fine—and when he’s a teenager, which is less fine. She doesn’t just sing to him, she cradles the boy in her arms. We don’t see the cradling for the teenager scene; instead the illustration delivers something creepier: a young adult sleeping while his mother, wearing an expression of eager anticipation, crawls into his room on all fours.

all fours

But once the son grows up and moves out, such behavior must draw to a close, yes? Um. No. Refusing to accept this new chapter in her life, Mom grabs a ladder, drives across town, breaks into her son’s house (through a second floor window!), and cradles the sleeping adult male in her arms.

cradling

Scenes like this might have worked if the illustrations were less representational or more playful, but Sheila McGraw’s work is realistic and earnest. This elderly woman nuzzling her grown son is not a metaphor to illustrate the love between mother and child—it’s really happening. This woman really broke into her son’s house and really rocked him in her arms without his knowledge or consent.

Love You Forever is a world free of spouses. The adult son eventually has a daughter, but we never see this baby’s mother. The son’s father is also absent from the story. Where are these people? In the world of Robert Munsch’s picture book, it doesn’t matter. These significant others would only distract from the disturbing, single minded, nearly predatory mother/son bond at the story’s core.

Cricket’s Counterpoint:

While Love You Forever is creepy in its depiction of motherly devotion, it’s impact hasn’t prevailed for over fifty years like Geisel/Seuss’s creation. The Cat in the Hat is dangerous, not only as being an instigator of mayhem, but the fact is this bowtied cat is an industry, an institution of corrupting influence. Sequels, clothing, toys, teaching curriculum, movies, even designated days–this ubiquitous cat has influenced generations of children to ditch household norms under the guise of learning to read. Even Geisel, admitted in a 1983 article how The Cat in the Hat is a revolt against authority. Teaching our children to read at the cost of them totally abandoning all reason and opening their households to felonious felines is much too high a price to pay. Beware of hatted grimalkins in the guise as a reading muse. The campaign of awareness shall begin: #badcat.

Mike’s Counterpoint:

Yes, the Cat is an instrument of chaos, but TCINH’s hero (and audience surrogate) is the unnamed boy. This boy doesn’t invite The Cat in or encourage his “games.” Instead, he puts an end to the mayhem by capturing the Things and throwing The Cat out. These are good character traits (as is the “clean up after yourself” finale).

The Cat in the Hat, also did something very important, it buried the insipid Dick and Jane books once and for all. It showed that easy readers could be fun! And funny! And exciting!

Most importantly, TCITH was always written with kid readers in mind.

Love You Forever wasn’t written for kids. It was written for moms in order to affirm a subliminal hope that their babies can remain baby-like forever. This, as I’m sure you’ll agree, is an unhealthy conception of motherhood. Even a child knows that.

So, dear readers–what is your vote? Which brilliant argument convinced you? Let us know in the comments below. 

Reading Pastabilities


A Prayer for Owen Meany

Jane Eyre

All the Light We Cannot See

The Grapes of Wrath

Moby Dick

The Count of Monte Cristo

East of Eden

The Portrait of a Lady

Dune

The Story of Edgar Sawtelle

Read any of these titles? Congratulations. You know what it means to make a commitment to a long read.

I should have more titles for this list, and I eventually will, yet here is a small gripe–and maybe you agree with me: long reads are like sitting down to a savory plate of pasta, yet no matter how much you eat, there is so much more that needs to be eaten, and because the pasta is so good you keep eating, but you know you should stop, but you can’t, and get a little too full, and even get a little frustrated because you just keep going. The frustrating part is wanting to sample the other food available, except you are committed to that big plate of pasta.

Does anyone else feel that way about getting involved in a long book?

VayCay Away


Summer vacation is one of the perks of teaching. That punchline answer of what’s the favorite part about teaching–June, July, and August–has some truth to it.

I didn’t go into teaching because of summer vacation.* Summer vacation is a lovely benefit after months and months of —oops, I digress. Today’s post involves the art of the StayCay Away. Yes, it’s a sub-category of that recent trend of staying at home while vacationing.

I am not a traveler, although I have done the Lucy Room with a View Europe trip (husband hunting did not occur, although my paradigm did shift about what it means to be American), and I’ve done the exotic locale trip–both the Bahamas and Hawaii (love the ocean, hate the looonnng plane trip). I’ve done short border jaunts to another country: Canada and Mexico. I’ve even done the opposite coast conference trip–twice. Not a lot of traveling, but enough to be able to state that I like staying at home when I vacation.

What is there not to like? I have all my comforts: bed, refrigerator, backyard hammock, and closet (I tend to bring the wrong clothes when traveling). Okay, yeah, it does get a bit tedious the day after day routine of same walls, nagging urge to weed and dust (I thought I was on vacation), so this is when the StayCay Away activates. I pack up and head to Mom’s.

This is not going home. This is going to her condo that she uses only a couple of weeks out the year because she lives year round in the desert (the things we do for marriage), but can’t quite give up the place. I have a key.

A day’s drive, and I have a homish away from home. It’s in my old neighborhood, all the amenities of fridge, recliner, the library is next door, and a pool (something I definitely don’t have at home, and swimming in the lake is not an option). I still pack the wrong clothes, but that gives me an excuse to go shopping.

The hubs stays home. Two days of nothing to do but read books creates restlessness. And that’s what I do at my Away VayCay: I read. And read. The library has a Friends of the Library corner where books range from 35 cents to 50 cents for really great reads. I bring in five dollars and a book bag and load up on classics, contemporary bestsellers, and let’s-take-a-chance titles, plus a few for the classroom library.

In between reading I visit friends and family**, watch a couple of movies, take long walks, and think about not eating since I hope to lose five pounds by not having much food in the refrigerator. Reading is a form of hunger suppressant. Movies require snacks.

The StayCay Away helps me appreciate Home when I return because I really am I homebody at heart–Dorothy knew what she was talking about.

So a vacation where it’s a lot like home works well for me.

Anyone else have a StayCay Away to share?

*That’s for any parents or students reading this post.

**Just in case friends and family read this post–you really are my first priority.

Debatables: Will the Real Willy Wonka Stand Up?


The amazingly talented, and quite hilarious, Mike Allegra and I have taken our pundits and sparring to a new level. At Mike’s suggestion we will periodically run a post called Debatables in which we spar about topics related, or mostly related to literature.

Our first round involves Willy Wonka. Yes, the lovable chocolatier of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl who became the lead character of two film adaptations of Dahl’s book.

I took the stance that Gene Wilder is the better Wonka, while Mike insisted Johnny Depp is the Wonka man.

Check out our lively discussion and even livelier responses at Mike’s website.

Make sure to check out the posts, and you can also leave your comments here.

This is THE Wonka. Right?

Word Nerd Confessions: July


I do indeed love words. Discovering a new-to-me word makes my day shine a bit brighter. I store that word away, like a hamster discovering a tasty morsel, I grab it up and stuff it in my little pouch for later. And what’s so cool, is how that word pops out out of my pouch unexpectedly in the right place, in the right way. Well, mostly. I tend to suffer from cacoepy–that’s another post in of itself.

I have been storing up words ever so long I need to do something with them. They are absolutely stacking up and creating a bit of dilemma of storage. My plan is to trot out a few choice words each month. If you have a word to share, please do.

armamentarium

I long to use this word, yet fear my tongue would trip dramatically over its pronunciation.

flexitarian

This is me! I’m thoroughly perplexed by all the varieties of eating preferences these days, not relating to locavore, vegan, and such–but veggies with a tad of animal (just a tad) is fine and dandy.

transmundane

As a Who-ligan, I can relate to going where no person has gone before. Warm up the tardis, Doc.

benedict

Are you kidding me? Do people know about this one? Did they tease Cumberbatch when he got married?

Reading Round Up: April 2018


Looking over last year’s April Round Up, my stats were a measly 29% for my reading goal of 101 books for the year. I was also yipping about being so exhausted from taking on an extra AP class to teach.

Maybe I’m toughening up because this year I’m up to 35%, then again I am still exhausted from preparing students for double exams: AP Language and AP Literature. I yipped last post, so I shall refrain.

Reading in April happened primarily during Spring Break. The rest of the month consisted of concentrated teaching efforts. Too tired to read is not my happy place. Binge watching Dr Who kept me from eating chocolate during my stress crisis since I didn’t renew my gym membership this year. At least my stress relieving habits are improving. Wait–do I detect censure for watching four Who episodes at a sitting? Really–I was attempting to grade. Some points for trying to multi-tasking?

April reading highlights:

joyce

image: Barnes and Nobles

I made the mistake of taking this along as my Spring Break travel book. Not actually a cozy or enthralling read.

One of those books that is avoided for ever so long, ever knowing that it is a MUST read, especially for English Lit teachers. It’s almost embarrassing how long it took for me to finally read Joyce’s novel of groundbreaking importance. Admittedly, it was as tough as I thought it would be, but for different reasons than I originally anticipated.

I applaud the ingenuity and daring–the dialogue sequences, the emulation of thought constructs, the stream of consciousness; yet, Stephen is not a character of admiration making it difficult to invest of even care about his story.

gilead

image: Barnes and Noble

Pulitzer Prizers are either outstanding or ponderous in my reading experience. Robinson’s Gilead falls somewhere in the mid zone. The writing is outstanding,the plot ponderously slow, if a book comprised of a continuous future epistolary journal is considered a plot.

There is much to appreciate in the depth of the theology Robinson presents, and there is a beauty in the understanding that the speaker reaches into his feelings for his main antagonist.

Deservedly a Pulitzer—just slow in the pace. Then again, not all books should be hurried through. This one in particular. However, it is doubtful I will continue with the other Gilead books.

Dr Who: Who-olgy by Cavan Scott, Mark Wright

Published to celebrate the 50th anniversary of Dr Who, this reference guide is designed for both beginners or experts; the book covers it all for Wholigans. Lots of trivia and background. Informative and entertaining–most def. Some info could be expanded, such as how psychic paper actually works, and why it doesn’t work on everyone, such as Shakespeare. I learned that while I enjoy the reboot series to a point–liking only two of the four, going on five doctors–I doubt I will be attending Comic Con to celebrate my fan status. I do ponder cosplay and vacillate between a Cyberman and Madame Pompadour.

Looking forward to May as I have arranged an extended weekend and plan to read, read, read, along with nap, nap, nap. I shall also partake in swallow watching since our condo balcony is in their nesting flight path. I just hope I don’t get conked by a stray golf ball. Two years in a row it’s been near misses. Absolutely a startling way to awaken from a dozy deck chair dream–a swish, tonk, crash. Not good. Not good. Some people should correct their slice before venturing out on the greens.

Happy Maying–

April Rue


April has been described as the cruelest month, as one full of showers, and it is a month full of celebrations from April Fool’s Day to pretzels.

Most notably, at least for me, is how April is a month celebrating poetry in that it’s National Poetry Month. Usually I post a poem every day. Didn’t happen this year.

I also do a Shakespeare shout out on my blog. Sorry, Bill–happy belated 454. He did get a video acknowledgement in the school’s morning announcements.

I managed to celebrate Poem in a Pocket Day on April 26 by handing out poems to my students. Always a big hit. I just didn’t write about it.

I didn’t even read much this month. *sigh*

So what did I do this month?

A small pause and a reflection…

I taught in fits and starts. Mainly having fits about the difficulty of starting a unit, considering after we returned from spring break we had a week to prepare students for a week of state testing.

No, I am not going there.

I became so frustrated with not being able to teach without interruptions to the class schedule that I would go home and binge watch Doctor Who. I could have run to my usual standby of Haagen-Daz or chocolate, but I am trying to find non-caloric comfort food these days. The Doctor works.

Somewhat sad and pathetic I know.

But–

May is nipping around the calendar and that means AP winding down and diving into Julius Caesar.

I’m ready to spring into a new month.

The Doctor Is In…Kind Of



Image: http://www.comicbook.com

Having discovered Dr Who rather just lately, I’m finding myself binge watching to get caught up. It’s difficult to catch up to a television series that has been around since the sixties. It’s cutting into my book reading, that’s for sure.

What I’m not going to do is a great big discussion on “Whoism,” there is much dedication to Doctor Who, and I am not qualified (actually I’m a bit terrified of offending the fan base).

What I am concerned with is my unmitigated preference for the former doctors. I’m not in the least interested in the new doctor–at all.

Why?

He has transgenerated into a woman doctor. The doctor now ponging about the universe is a she instead of a he, and that really bothers me. The issue is not with the new doctor, Jodie Whitaker–don’t know of her at all. I’m more bothered that I’m bothered.

Let’s make something very clear. I applaud capable heroes. Big fan of Captain America. Mostly I like James Bond. Angie’s Lara Croft set a standard. JLaw’s Katniss is so empowering and endearing. And I absolutely cheer the new Wonder Woman.

Notice there really isn’t a pattern. Men and women heroes dashing about saving people, because that’s what they do.

And that’s what I like about The Doctor. It’s been set up since the show started that this peculiar (some Doctors being more peculiar than others) alien preferring human form, is running away from his home planet responsibilities getting in predicaments, getting out of them, saving the universe, saving people. Because that’s what he does. It worked in the prior series. It works very well in the reboot. David Tennant and Peter Capaldi bring a new dimension to Doctoring–smart scripts and dazzling production are mentioned here.

The Doctor is a pattern: idiosyncratic intelligent alien with human characteristics–a guy ranging in age anywhere from 30ish to 60ish. A guy. Oh yeah, he has a sidekick known as a “companion.” These have been mostly women, a couple of times a guy has helped drive the Tardis.

It’s not a gender thing. Really it’s not. I think it’s a pattern thing. I’m used to a Doctor pattern and they changed it up. However, I relished how the Master became a Mistress. Missy brought some dazzle to the frenemy role. Just leave the Doctor as is, thank you.

Think about it. Would it be okay, acceptable, if suddenly James became Jane? “Bond. Jane Bond.” I wouldn’t care for that at all. I am okay with the all female Oceans 11. Nice switch out. Not okay with the change up that’s happened with The Doctor.  So I am running through some self-diagnosis about my Doctor preference..

Am I gender-biased? A traditionalist? Close-minded? Maybe I just know what I like. Okay, I can handle being picky. It’s quirky that I abhor cucumbers yet adore pickles–baby dills, thank you. So, I rally towards male Doctor Whos and instead utter “really?” towards the female Doctor Whos. I didn’t care for Jenna Coleman’s stint as Clara being a Doctor for the nano second she had the part and I think Clara quite capable. I imagine she could parallel park the Tardis when needed. Nope. The Doctor Who I need to save my planet from Daleks and company is an idiosyncratic guy, particularly with a Scottish accent.

Am I alone in my Doctor dilemma? Anyone else in a quandary?

Techno Faux Pax


A variation of an old chestnut:

Two girls walk into a classroom wearing the same yellow sweatshirt. They stop and stare at each other. They size each other up. The teacher tries to cut the tension with the quip: “Looks like you got the email.”

You know–that joke.

The problem is that teens don’t email each other. At least not anymore. The class bursts out in derisive laughter. “Yeah, right. Because that’s what we do. We email each other.” Loud smirking ensues.

Trying to save a bit of my self-esteem I respond brightly: “Maybe that’s why I don’t hear that often from my own kids –I email them.” The moment is somewhat saved and we go back to English.

I do text. I don’t Tweet. I do FaceTime. I prefer visits. I write letters. Hmm–nothing comes close to a letter. A humorous card maybe.

Yet, if I were to say the right techno term I still would be on the outside looking in. Why? My expiration date is beginning to show. I’m at retirement age and students know it. I don’t feel like retiring yet, but because I could, that makes me old. Out with the old, in with the new.

If I happen to drop in a casual word or phrase students seem surprised. Do I know what that means? If I mention a movie, song, a whatever that is in their world I think it concerns them. It’s as if I have bumped their youth bubble. Granted, I don’t know most of their music, trends, or media choices. On the other hand, they don’t know that Edgar Allan Poe influenced Stephen King, who I remember reading when he first came out and none of his books were movies yet. Or how about everyone from Monty Python to Jimmy Fallon quotes some line from Hamlet and now my students know why. Or the reason there are strong female protagonists like Katniss is because we had Jane Eyre first. And they don’t know about Byronic Heroes–yet, even though they do know about Loki, Ironman, and Bat Man.

I may get my techno terminology tangled, but they don’t know all about the who, how, and why of Shakespeare’s influence of just about everything. I have job security for a bit longer.

So is blogging for old people? Oh who cares–I need more than 280 characters for my say.

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