Pam Webb

a writer's journey as a reader

Archive for the tag “writing”

01 Jul 2012
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Writerly Wisdom III


Similes

Similes (Photo credit: teotwawki)

A metaphor is like a simile.Author Unknown

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. Steven Wright

image: bombsite.com


Dreams are illustrations from the book your soul is writing about you.Marsha Norman

image: louisville.edu


Be obscure clearly.E.B. White

E B White quote

E B White quote (Photo credit: ktylerconk)


The art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe.Gustave Flaubert

Gustave Flaubert

Gustave Flaubert (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers. Isaac Asimov

The Best Mysteries of Isaac Asimov

The Best Mysteries of Isaac Asimov (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


I love words. I love to sing them and speak them and even now, I must admit, I have fallen into the joy of writing them.

Anne Rice

Anne Rice

Anne Rice (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own. Carol Burnett

The Carol Burnett Show

The Carol Burnett Show (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


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23 Jun 2012
8 Comments

The Serendipity of Surprise or the Art of Capturing Ideas


ideas

ideas (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

As a writer I don’t do journals, although I jot ideas down on sticky notes and plaster them all over the place.  A journal probably would be a more organized way of keeping these bits together; however, it’s like finding a forgotten treasure when I come across one of these yellow bits stuck inside my purse,  a book, or my bedside drawer.  The serendipity of surprise is one reason this haphazard method is one I keep hanging onto.   I am a highly organized person, so go figure why I elect not to corral my ideas all tidy-like in one place.  That’s it–I don’t want to pen up my ideas, choosing to momentarily capture them until I can tame them into proper writing. Journals haven’t worked for me.  I am a bit of a hypocrite since I urge my creative writing students to keep a journal for class.  Ssh, don’t tell them I am not doing as I am saying.

I did keep a journal once, for about six months.  The tedium of writing my thoughts down on a daily basis wore on me like the nagging need to exercise.  Seeing that spiral bound notebook reminder me I had to complete an entry for the day. Ideas, sensing the need to appear scuttled away into my cerebral crooks and crannies.  I abandoned the process after about three months.  Recently when decluttering my bedside shelf I came across the journal  and began reading.  What drizzle!  I tore out the pages and now have a notebook that’s one-third free for better purposes like to-do lists.  Story ideas tend to sneak up on me in the least likely moments and I find I must quickly net them before they evaporate. My net of choice are sticky notes.  Capture ideas–yes, tame? Not really.  My best ideas creep up on my brain while I doze and twitch and tease like the Cheshire’s cat’s smile, winking and blinking tormenting me to wake up and quickly try to set them down on paper.

A Post-it note is a piece of stationery with a...

A Post-it note is a piece of stationery with a re-adherable strip of adhesive on the back, designed for temporarily attaching notes to documents and other surfaces. Although now available in a wide range of colors, shapes, and sizes, Post-it notes are most commonly a 3-inch (76 mm) square, canary yellow in color. A unique low-tack adhesive allows the notes to be easily attached and removed without leaving marks or residue, unless used on white boards. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The dilemma becomes whether I wake and write down the idea thus cease my napping, or hope the idea lingers long enough upon waking to render it upon my handy stash of Post-Its.  Usually, like the final etchings of the sun’s rays upon the horizon, I barely catch the idea as it balances between the my slumbering and awakening consciousness.Most of the time the ideas seemed so loomingly real and lucid I have every confidence they will walk themselves out of my id onto my laptop and flip over to revel their bellies in submission.  Not so.  These ideas only appear to be in submission, they usually scamper away like coquettish kittens around the corner only to tease me with their presence.  If I’m lucky I manage to procure one or two meaningful words or even a sentence before the complete idea vanishes into wisps of wakefulness.

Once, I dreamed an entire story about dealing with circular logic.  I raced down to my computer and typed it out.  With only the slightest of revisions it became a story which Highlights for Children published and Boyds Mills Press  later included it in one of their anthologies.  Getting a dream story down in its entirety doesn’t happen often; in fact, I think that was the only time I managed to get the story placed from dream to page before it lasped away into the mists of wakefulness once again.

Here are is a partial collection of Serendipity Surprises I found recently:

  • timeless birthday, doorbell, grandma–this one came to me while out walking and it had something to be with a Bradburian idea of a woman who seemingly lives on forever (a birthday wish fulfilled?) and smiles when she hears a background trumpet (a birthday tribute or the Rapture?)  I think the story appeared better in my brain than in my outline
  • ten minute tidbits–we have a lot of construction stops going on that hinder the daily progress of life and I thought this could be an article about how to best spend those stretched out moments of waiting. (I have a harmonica in my glove compartment for those times in hopes I will one day become harp proficient).
  • a funny thing happened on the way to the library–a recount of my interesting career of applying for the head librarian position at our school’s library and how I ended up becoming a teacher due to the state’s requirement all school librarians must have a teaching certificate (and with all the budget cuts in place this is no longer true, but hey, I have discovered that I love teaching–and some days I actually like it)

I have an entire folder filled with sticky note captures.  Now if I could only find enough time to sit down and shape these mind meanderings into meaningful prose and poetry. I imagine this is what my brain looks like prior to being sticky-noted:

Post-It Note Art Collage (PINAP)

Post-It Note Art Collage (PINAP) (Photo credit: Adrian Wallett)

Serependity of Surprise: I can’t imagine I will ever suffer from writer’s block as long as I keeping finding these paper  squares hiding, ready to remind me that to be a writer is be a tamer of ideas.
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17 Jun 2012

What’s Love Got to Do With It?


What’s Love Got to Do With It?.

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17 Jun 2012
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What’s Love Got to Do With It?


Zora Neale Hurston, American author. Deutsch: ...

Zora Neale Hurston, American author. Deutsch: Zora Neale Hurston Español: Zora Neale Hurston (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Cover of "Their Eyes Were Watching God"

Cover of Their Eyes Were Watching God

Tina Turner belts out a great 80’s tune about love and relationships and her personal point-of-view on the whole age-old matter of that interpersonal sparking that goes on between man and woman.  That tune kept running through my mind as I read Zora Neale Hurston‘s Their Eyes Were Watching God.  I think Janie and Tina would have been soul sisters or at least would have gone out for a girl chat at the local Starbucks.

TEWWG is not a title I would have picked up on my own.  I’m not a fan of dialect-heavy text, hence I don’t do a lot of Mark Twain either.  Simply tell me the person is Irish, Swedish, Southern, or illiterate Northern and I get the idea.  All the enhanced ‘taint so, hissa, and blimeys wear on my inner ear after awhile. Since Hurston’s book is on my list of AP Literature texts we will explore in class next year  I have plucked away at Janie’s vernacular and have come away an enriched reader. Why? Hurston’s writing style is mesmerizing.  I also came away with another plucky female protagonist to add to my list.  Janie is a survivor, and an admirable individual with or without a man in her life.  She’s got chutzpah. Janie is one of literature’s greatest philosopher’s concerning love:

“Love ain’t somethin’ lak uh grindstone dat’s de same thing everywhere and do de same thing tuh everything it touch. Love is lak de sea. It’s uh movin’ thing, but still and all, it takes its shape from de shore it meets, and it’s different with every shore” (20.7).

We as readers witness how Janie experiences love in three different forms: an unwilling, immature teenager who’s ignited imaginings of love are reduced to serving as a farm hand; a trophy wife whose own needs become buried as her social position rises; and finally as the woman fulfilled in a marriage of choice.

Written in 1937 (literary wagging tongues say Hurston did so in seven weeks), Hurston’s novel covers many issues reflective of the times.  If we can set those aside and concentrate on Janie, I would comment on how Janie set a standard worth noting: marry for love, even if it cross grains tradition and common sense.

What does love have to do with marriage?  Everything, according to Janie.  Tina gave us her opinion about it in the eighties, but Janie had it hands-down in thirties. Let the love meet you on the shore of life.

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P.S. Halle Berry presents an admirable Janie in the movie version of the book.  While the movie condenses the book greatly, Janie’s character is captured well by the beauteous Berry.

 

Posted in Blogging, Books, Movies, Reading, reviews, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , ,
06 Jun 2012
6 Comments

Farewell to Ray Bradbury


cover by Tom Canty of a reprint edition

Photo of Ray Bradbury.
Photo of Ray Bradbury. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ray Bradbury. I discovered him back in college, maybe even in high school.  I devoured his books and reread Dandelion Wine, always wondering why it hasn’t transferred to film like so many of his other stories.  His stories and books are part of my teaching curriculum.  His effortless way with imagery and metaphor are sterling examples I held up to my students as exemplars.  I show his Ray Bradbury Theater episodes in Creative Writing, Freshmen English, Sophomore English, and plan to study his Farenheit 51 in AP Senior English.  I have savored the notion Bradbury has  somewhat been a co-teacher in my classroom. 

Ray Bradbury was and is a favorite author, not so much for his outstanding stories, but for his youthful outlook.  After showing some of his interview clips to students they appreciated his writing that much more.  “He’s a pretty cool guy.” High praise from a fifteen year old.

So, this is farewell, for now, Ray.  Your books and stories, dreams, and innovations and imagination will live on in your words.

Ray Bradbury

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06 Jun 2012
7 Comments

The ABC’s of Blog Maintenance


Like cars, blogs require basic maintenance in order to perform at their best.  There’s analogy in that statement I could pursue about oil and air pressure relating to tags and categories, but I’m not sure I can pull it off.

I think I need to add a disclaimer about this post: I am still very much a blogger newbie.  It is not my intention to offend anyone.  It is also not my intention to come off sounding like a know-it-all-bloggy pants (especially when my hits and follower stats aren’t at huge impressive numbers…yet).  I simply felt compelled to share some observations and what better way than through the trite and true method of ABC-ing.

American Broadcasting Company

American Broadcasting Company (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

*I am at the virtual podium*

CM: ahem…thank you for stopping by.  Some of you may be veteran bloggers of a million followers and quadrillion hits, while others of are just getting started.  And some of you might be in between those extremes.  Here are some basic ABCs of blogging.

A is for appreciate.  Stop by other blogs and comment, click “like”, or simply browse the site.  No one wants to write in a void, and everyone appreciates a bit of appreciation.

A is also for advertise.  Toss out a kudo about another blogger’s post through your writing, via one of those nifty blogger awards, or even link up another post through a Zemanta click.

Blogging Heroes

Blogging Heroes (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

B is broadening your scope.  You might have started your blog with only one subject in mind (the wonders of bottle cap collecting, for instance).  Why not launch out and discuss how bottles came to be invented or include a craft article on bottle cap wind chimes?  Broadening your blog content can attract new readers.

Bottle Caps

Bottle Caps (Photo credit: merfam)

C can be for connecting and contributing and customizing.  Connecting is all about developing relationships with other bloggers, creating a bit of cyberspace friending (sans Zuckerman, thank you).  Contributing is commenting and replying to posts, adding your two-cents and maybe even a dollar’s worth to a topic.  Finally let’s cut to customizing, that need to get your style thing going.  As you continue posting establish a voice, tone, persona for your blog.  Find your niche–are you witty, eccentric, knowledgeable, graphically inclined, inspiring?  Your followers will look forward to the character you give your posts.

There are many other important components to blog maintenance.  These simple ABCs are only a start.

Thank you for your time.

*slight nod of head in acknowledgement*

Happy Pages

and Happy Blogging

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26 May 2012
4 Comments

Rethinking Knowledge


Image representing Google as depicted in Crunc...

Image via CrunchBase

Too Big To Know by David Weinberger certainly does give a person something to think about. If the book title doesn’t intrigue you, move on to the subtitle:

Rethinking Knowledge
Now That the Facts Aren’t the Facts,
Experts Are Everywhere,
and the Smartest Person in the Room
Is the Room

 I think entire college course could be dedicated to the subtitle alone.

Speaking of colleges, specifically universities, it makes sense Weinberger is the person to write a book about how the Internet has impacted our knowledge since he is a Senior Researcher at Harvard University’s Berkman Center for the Internet & Society.  He knows what he is talking about when it comes to the Internet and how it is shaping our thinking, and that’s what this book is all about: how  the Internet is reshaping our thinking.

From the inside book flap:

We used to know how to know.  We got our answers from books or experts.  We’d nail down the facts and move on.  But in the Internet age, knowledge has moved onto networks.  There’s more knowledge than ever, of course, but its different. (emphasis added)

It is different.  It’s instant.  And we all know from downing ramen, micro meals, and breakfast in a glass, that instant is not better–it’s quicker, yes, but overall it lacks something in the quality aspect of satisfaction.

Let’s wind up the Victrola, please….Back in my day (yada yada).  But it’s true, back in school, you know prior to the ’80s and desktop computers and Internet access, a student had to GO to the library and look up information in almanacs, encyclopedias, and in expert-crafted tomes of knowledge.  I don’t think our school library even owns an encyclopedia set anymore.  Librarian: Just go look it up on the computer.  In fact, I think the school library has become a computer lab adorned with fiction, since the non-fiction is ignored and passed over for the Internet click instead.

After reading Weinberger’s book I feel my long held opinion is validated: we are becoming stupider. I tell my students all the time how our brain is a muscle.  If we don’t exercise our muscles they atrophy.  I know my brain is getting flabby.  One example is my lack of data bank of memorized phone numbers.  Why should I when I can speed dial?  Yet, before I rant about the overkill of technology and how it is breeding a stupider instead of brainer society let me let Weinberger point out his thoughts:

page xii (even before he starts the book)
The Internet is an unedited mash of rumor, gossips, and lies.  It splinters our attention and spells the end of reflective, long-form thought…Everyone with any stupid idea has a megaphone as big as that of educated, trained people. We form “echo chambers” online and actually encounter fewer challenges to our thinking than we did during the broadcast era.  Google is degrading our memories.  Google is making us stupid.  The Internet loves fervid, cult-driven amateurs and drives professionals out of business.

Image representing iPhone as depicted in Crunc...

Image via CrunchBase

Before we pack up our Macs, trade in our iPhones, and blast Microsoft and totally castigate technology, let’s step back, take a breath and rethink knowledge. Here is the big question: how much do we need to know?  This is what Weinberger explores throughout his book.

In Chapter Nine he brings up the million dollar question: Are the changes in knowledge good or bad?  I dunno–are they?  All I know is what I learned and most of my learning has come from reading, not from zipping and schlipping and sedgwaying my way across the knowledge-littered frontier of cyber space.  I feel drained and mentally fatigued after I have spent an hour kibitzing on the computer.  Kind of like eating a bag of Cheetos when I should have been eating a salad but didn’t want to take the time to create something nutritious.  The analogy tie is that although Cheetos could be considered food it doesn’t have a lasting effect when it comes to nourishment; it’s not at all like savoring a lovely garden salad laden with veggies and topped with sunflower seeds.  Seeking information via the Internet for me, most of the time, is eating a bag of Cheetos.  I keep eating, but I’m still hungry even after the bag is done.  Books are salad in that the bulk goes down and stays down and feeds the body (lettuce and pages–it works).

All I can say is the whole “Is the Internet enlivening or depriving our brains” question brings me back to the short story By the Waters of Babylon”  Do you know the passage I’m alluding to? The one where the protagonist looks around at the remains of the once great society and wonders, “Did they eat their knowledge too fast?”

It makes me wonder–are we eating our knowledge too fast?

image: cyberlawharvard.edu

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20 May 2012
2 Comments

Nifty Fifty


Ta-dah! This marks my fiftieth post and to commemorate the event here are some random fifty trivia bits.

1.  This weekend my community celebrates Lost in the Fifties.  It’s a weekend where people dress up in poodle skirts and 501’s and saddle shoes and watch a parade of old-time cars go by.  There’s a street dance and a big dance at the fairgrounds with bands that are mock-fifty era sounding.  Doesn’t sound like much, but it’s a biggie for tourist bucks.  We even showed American Graffiti at the local stage theatre.

designerjet.com

2.  Of the fifty United States I’ve only been to about seven.  Does airport transfers count?  Then make it about a dozen.

statecountymaps.com

Image Detail

flicker.com

3.  I don’t like weather colder than the fifties.  Forty-five is pushing my comfort zone.

writerleagueoftexas.wordpress.com

4.  If I could name my top favorite fifty books I would have to say To Kill a Mockingbird remains close to the top as my favorite reread.  Which is saying something since I teach just about every year to ninth graders.

5.  Should I set out to gather fifty quotes about reading, writing, and books I would include these gems:

  • The best time for planning a book is while you’re doing the dishes. Agatha Christie
  • The desire to write grows with writing. Desiderius Erasmus
  •  My ideas usually come not at my desk writing but in the midst of living. Anais Nin
  •  If the writing is honest it cannot be separated from the man who wrote it.Tennessee Williams
  •  The first step in blogging is not writing them but reading them. Jeff Jarvis
  •  I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. Steven Wright
  •  Dreams are illustrations from the book your soul is writing about you.Marsha Norman
  •  Be obscure clearly.E.B. White
  • The art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe.Gustave Flaubert
  •  Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers. Isaac Asimov

6.  Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover is one of Paul Simon’s songs that tends to loop in my brain now and then.Image Detail
7.  I figure I read over fifty books a year, between reviewing them, teaching them, and pleasure-reading them.  I dunno–is that average for a Book Booster?
Oh, hey–this also counts for my seven facts about me as part of the Versatile Blogger Award requirements.  Thanks Literary Tiger!
And a thanks also to merlinspielen.com for the One Lovely Blog Award.  Who knew turning Fifty could be so fulfilling?
Posted in Awards, Blogging, Books, creativity, Movies, Reading, reviews, Teachers, Uncategorized, Writing and tagged , , , ,
05 May 2012
10 Comments

#3: Picture Books Are for Any Age!


“What do you write?” is a question often traded at a writer’s conference.  My answer is usually an embarrassed “everything.” It’s true.  I write middle grade, YA, adult, poems, non-fiction, plays, book reviews–I like to write!  My favorite genre, the one I no doubt have spent the most time on, is picture books.

There is something incandescently, transcendentally, most amazingly wonderful  when it comes to experiencing a picture book.  They are even better when shared with a child.  I don’t mind reading them on my own.  Oh, picture books are only for kids?  Is that a bona fide rule?

Moving on with my Cricket List: Musings of a Voracious Reader, I decided to tackle my #3: Picture Books.This is a tough one because it could go on from here until next Tuesday because I have so many favorites.  I could probably start entire blog about picture books.  So instead of a list I am posting thumbnail covers of picture books read, admired, reread, find timeless, find amazing, and want to share with the world. Barnes and Noble supplied the images.

Enjoy!

Click, Clack, Moo Tacky The Penguin If You Give A Mouse A Cookie The Day Jimmy's Boa Ate The Wash The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales Sheep In A Jeep Book Cover Image. Title: On the Night You Were Born, Author: by Nancy Tillman Book Cover Image. Title: The Story of Ferdinand, Author: by Munro Leaf Book Cover Image. Title: Make Way for Ducklings, Author: by Robert McCloskey Book Cover Image. Title: The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Author: by Eric Carle Book Cover Image. Title: Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Author: by Judith Viorst Book Cover Image. Title: The Quiet Book, Author: by Deborah Underwood

 Goodnight Moon (Board Book) Mr. Brown Can Moo! Can You? Happy Birthday to You! Caps for Sale: A Tale of a Peddler, Some Monkeys and Their Monkey Business Chicka Chicka Boom BoomOpposites Frog and Toad All Year (I Can Read Book Series: Level 2) One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish Harold and the Purple Crayon (50th Anniversary Edition) The Runaway Bunny   Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel  Corduroy  Guess How Much I Love You Moo, Baa, La La La! The Little Engine That Could Mouse Paint I Am a Bunny It Looked Like Spilt Milk Little Bear's Friend (I Can Read Book Series: A Level 1 Book) Leo the Late Bloomer Jesse Bear, What Will You Wear? Blueberries for Sal (Picture Puffin Books Series) Stone Soup Little Gorilla Lap Board Book Harry the Dirty Dog Good Dog, Carl (Classic Board Books Series) Prayer for a Child Whistle for Willie

Tree Is Nice Andy and the Lion Windows with Birds The Snowy Day

This is only a thimble’s worth in the sea of picture book reads.  I stopped at page 15 of Barnes and Noble’s picture book list.  Feel free to browse on your own.  And  make sure to pop a couple of picture books in your basket when shopping at your local library or bookstore.  Picture books are forever.

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24 Apr 2012
7 Comments

Chilling about my Frenzy


Script Frenzy 

In the beginning of April I blithely announced I would be participating in ScriptFrenzy, that annual craziness involving writing 100 pages in 30 days.  So here it is April 23 and I have finished ScriptFrenzy.  No, I did not type 100 pages. I did type 37 and ended up with a one-act play which I am quite satisfied with. I know I won’t receive my nifty little completion certificate, and I will end up as one of those sideline statistics who did not complete the goal.  However, I must protest.  The intent was to write a play and I did.  I cannot see the point of overwriting a play just to meet the page requirements.  The logic sounds like something from Alice in Wonderland.

Speaking of Alice in Wonderland–that’s what my play is–an adaptation of Lewis Carroll’s most marvelous classic of comedy logic.  My play is actually part of the NaNoWriMo novel I wrote two years ago.  Initially it was supposed to be a short story, yet it slipped into a play bit by bit .  You can see why I like Alice; I seem to dwell in the land of illogicals.

The play is a mix of Hamlet, Alice in Wonderland, with a smidgen of Wizard of Oz. If you read the entire play the mix makes sense.  I shall not bog you down with all the details.  The short and quick: there two Alices–one is the narrator who is in a chair moderating her “dream” which what we watch on the stage.  “Stage Alice”  is the dream Alice and she has this terrible problem of speaking only in couplets (a bit of the Hamlet influence).  This portion is from the courtroom scene:

The Knave of Hearts, from a 1901 edition of Mo...

Stage lights open to a courtroom scene.  The King and Queen of Hearts sit on thrones. Stage right is a table with the KNAVE who is handcuffed next to a LAWYER.  Across at stage left is two rows of chairs, three in front and two in back, filled with an array of ANIMALS. The end chair is empty. Center stage is a small table with a plate of tarts. Stage Alice enters stage left and sits in the empty chair. Each animal is holding a DRY ERASE BOARD AND MARKER.  Stage Alice finds hers under her chair.

BAILIFF:  All rise.

The entire courtroom rises, except King and Queen.  Stage Alice reluctantly rises only at prodding from animal next to her.

We are gathered here today to hear the confession of the Knave, whom we know to have stolen the hearts, and we all know he will be sentenced accordingly.

STAGE ALICE: Well, that’s hardly fair and certainly not just,
I’d say this court room scene is most certainly a bust.

ANIMAL in front row turns around and hushes Stage Alice.  Stage Alice sticks tongue out when it turns around.  The ANIMAL besides her snickers.  The Bailiff(White Rabbit) walks over and bops snickering Animal on head with a BOPPER, a long-stick with a soft endpiece which could emit a funny noise for more comic relief.  The Animal winces and rubs head, even though bopper does not hurt.

QUEEN: And what has the defendant have to say for himself?

BAILIFF: (walks over to Knave) That’s you.  (whispers loudly) Stand up.

KNAVE: Well, your Majesty…

QUEEN: Thank you, that’s quite enough.  I find him guilty.

KING: Yes, I find him guilty too.

QUEEN: Then off with his head.

While the Bailiff begins to haul away the sobbing Knave, the courtroom is suddenly interrupted by the entrance of the WICKED WITCH

WICKED WITCH: Dorothy. You can’t escape me. I’ll get you yet, my pretty.  And your little dog, too.

She walks over to each of the jurors and inspects them one by one. They shiver and cower.

QUEEN: Off with her head!

WICKED WITCH: (turns around to Queen) Excuse me?  Whose head are you referring to?

QUEEN: (nervously) Her head (points to Stage Alice)

WICKED WITCH: Aha! Think you can hide out with all your little friends? Well I’ll show you. (cackles)

STAGE ALICE: No, I’ll show you (pulls out SQUIRT GUN and squirts Wicked Witch) You’re all wet, and your bullying is too.

Wicked Witch begins to shriek and runs out of courtroom, dropping off pieces of her costume on the floor.

WICKED WITCH: I’m melting! I’m melting!

BAILIFF : (Calls in on shirt cuff)Clean up on aisle three

WORKERS ONE AND TWO scurry in from stage left with MOPS AND BROOMS and clean up witch debri and quickly exit stage right

QUEEN: Now where were we?

KING: Before we go much further. I want to know why she (points to Stage Alice)knows a witch and a witch knows her.

The entire courtroom stares at Stage Alice who crosses her arms in defiance.

STAGE ALICE: Which witch I may ask of whom you inquire?
Press me further and a lawyer I shall hire.

KING: No need for that, my dear.  Just curious is all. (to Queen).  It looked like the witch knew her. (the Queen pats him in reassurance).  Bring on the next case.

BAILIFF: (calls out from a scroll) The Case of the Stolen Tarts by the Knave of Hearts

STAGE ALICE:But we just heard this case.
I cannot abide the ill-logic of this place.

ANIMAL NEXT  TO stage ALICE (whispers)Oh, there is perfect logic. What you saw first was the mock trial. We have to practice to get it write (points to whiteboard)so we can’t get it wrong.

STAGE ALICE: Getting it right is important indeed,
To practice justice, I understand; I see.

ANIMAL NEXT TO STAGE ALICE: (holds up whiteboard)No, no. Not “right”.  “Write” (makes writing motion)It takes us all such a long time to spell, that we have one or two trials before we get all our notes down.

Animal in fronts turns around and hushes Stage Alice.  She hushes Animal back.  Animal is shocked and turns around quickly.  Bailiff comes over and bops the hushing Animal.

KING: Read the case, Bailiff

BALIFF: (clears throat, reads from scroll)

The Queen of Hearts
She bought some tarts
On sale it was last Thursday

The Queen jumps up

QUEEN: I made those tarts from scratch, I’ll have you know

Bailiff clears throat and continues

BAILIFF:The Queen of Hearts
Says she baked some tarts
Perhaps it was last Thursday
The Queen nods her satisfaction, waves for him to continue

The Knave of Hearts he stole those tarts
And he ate them all on Friday

DEFENSE LAWYER: Objection!

KING: Proceed

DEFENSE LAWYER: My client could not have possibly taken those tarts and eaten them

KING: He must have–why else would he be here?

DEFENSE LAWYER: My client has a gluten allergy. He could not have eaten the tarts.

The King and Queen confer

KING: In that case he is dismissed.

BAILIFF: Mistrial.

The jury animals busily erase their whiteboard. Stage Alice stands up and clears her throat.

STAGE ALICE: Your honors, may I address the court?

QUEEN: No, you may not.

Stage Alice sits down with arms folded in a huff

KING: Bring on the witnesses.

STAGE ALICE: If the case is dismissed, then why are they calling for witnesses?They start one case, but it never finishes.

ANIMAL NEXT TO STAGE ALICE: (whispers loudly) If they like the witnesses they will create a case.

Animal in front row turns around to hush Stage Alice and she hushes him first

BAILIFF: (loudly calls out) First Witness!

The Hatter comes out sipping from a Starbucks container and eating a croissant

BAILIFF:No eating in the court!

The Hatter looks around and realizes the Bailiff is addressing him.  He lifts up top hat and puts cup and croissant on head and puts hat back on.

KING: Take your hat off in court!

HATTER: So many rules, my goodness! Besides, it’s not my hat.

KING: Aha! You stole it, didn’t you!

HATTER: Of course not.  I make hats.  If I make them how can I steal them?

KING: Where were you when the tarts were stolen?

HATTER: The tarts were stolen?

KING: Yes, that’s why you brought in as a witness. Who stole the tarts?

HATTER: How should I know?  I never touch them.  Croissants yes, tarts no.

KING: Avoiding the question, are you?

HATTER: Yes, I would like to avoid the question.  I never associate myself with questions I don’t have the answer to.  Do you have a question I might have the answer to?

Silly stuff, I know.  Carroll’s Alice is wonderful and punderfull, just like I like it.  I like Alice for its silliness, odd logic, and madcap tomfoolery.  If I caught but a twisp of it my day has been made.

So for those of you who are freaking about it being April 23 and knowing you won’t finish your ScriptFrenzy commitment–chillax.  The ScriptoFrenzo Police squad won’t take you out and publicly humiliate you.  That’s only a rumor.  They are only a figment of your writer’s block.  If you haven’t completed your writing goal don’t worry, be happy.

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