1. Hamlet by William Shakespeare: Just make up your mind already, dude.

2. Anything by Stephen Crane: It doesn’t matter what you do- the Universe still thinks you’re super lame.

3. Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes: You can never read too many novels…oh wait, maybe you can…

4. Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser: Cluelessness is not something you want to broadcast when you’re a young woman in strange new city, for you’ll just become a skeevy-guy magnet.

5. Dracula by Bram Stoker: If you have a choice between Count Dracula’s castle and the Holiday Inn, stay at the Holiday Inn.

6. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley: If you absolutely must create a freakish monster thing, be sure to make a girlfriend for it, cause if you don’t, he’ll be really, really mad.

7. The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka: Sucks to be a bug.

8. Macbeth by William Shakespeare: You should treat your guests well by, you know, not murdering them in their beds.

9. Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain: When you travel around in a boat with a friend, away from human civilization, when you do run in to people you realize just how crazy they all are.

10. Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen: When it comes down to choosing between the hot guy who treats you like crap and the not-as- hot guy who treats you like a queen, it’s really not a choice at all.

11. Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad: Don’t frighten the natives.

12. The War of the Worlds by H. G. Wells: When the freaky alien things come swooping down on Earth and shooting lasers or whatever at everyone, run as fast as you can cause those aliens are mean.

13. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald: Yeah, yeah, money can’t buy happiness- check.

14. Anything by e. e. cummings:

capital

letters

are for

losers.

15. King Lear by William Shakespeare: Don’t bother arguing with your parents. Or your children. Just don’t bother.

_________________________

My own contributions:

Beowulf by John Gardner: growing up in a cave with a fiendish mother definitely changes your perspective

Daisy Miller by Henry James: It’s true, when in Rome, or at least in Italy, as a single American girl, who should do as the Romans–Italians do–then again, maybe not.

Room with a View by E.M. Forester: what is about Italy and young women anyway?

“The Lovesong of Alfred J. Prufrock” T.S. Eliot: What if, What if, What if Hamlet hadn’t been your poster boy of decision-making?

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson: getting in touch with your inner feelings definitely deserves a second thought

This guy is famous for his own one-liners (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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